My Stupid Mouth…
Everything that is needed to know in order to truly survive life can be learned from a John Mayer song. Forget Buddha and the Dahli Lama.
I would love to recap my 4 day trip to the nation’s capital with the boys, but alas, something is weighing too heavy on my mind right now to do so. Justin is playing soccer for his second year at the high school now. He has been playing soccer on YMCA leagues since we moved here 5 years ago. Last year he wanted to play goalie. I expressly told him that I did NOT want him to play goalie. Our school team has a consistent record… a consistently losing one. I did not want Justin to be the one blamed for the opponent-heavy side of the scoreboard. Last year, he wore a goalie jersey for one game and sat the bench the entire time. I had always thought that the coach did not want to pull out the first string goalie to put him in. Today he told me it was because he told the coach that I didn’t want him in goal. That makes no sense to me. I think he has a thwarted memory of the situation.
Well, today I went out to the field to pick him up from practice. I stopped at a van in the parking lot to talk to a friend and then what did I see… JUSTIN IN GOAL! I was madcap furious. So, I yell out to him that he not allowed to be in goal because of his back. This makes no sense. This past fall, Justin ran cross country. He had severe back pain and after a series of doctor visits and physical therapy appointments, he was diagnosed with spondoliliothesis. In other words, during a growth spurt, his spine shot up, but the ligaments around it could not support the shift and pulled the spine back, leading to the spine shifting. He went through physical therapy and it was almost like he woke up one day and it was fine. I can’t legitimately say the back problem I blamed was greater than my hedonistic reasons for fussing at Justin for being in goal. Justin scored the first goal of the season. He’s a runner, the fastest one one the team. He belongs on the field.
Of course, the cork popped off and I couldn’t containt my anger. I said something to Justin purposely so the coach would hear it and then told the coach that he shouldn’t be in goal because of a back issue… which again makes no sense. I know. It’s just what came out. The coach knows nothing about soccer, so I can’t trust him to know what’s best for the team, let less Justin. I wish I could respect Justin’s desire to help his team. He thinks he can do a better job, help the team… but I want him out there scoring. I do not want him taking the fall for the team… and trust me there will be a LOT of falling.
I really do wish I had just kept my big mouth shut. I wish I had not yet again gone with the gut, knee-jerk reaction and ran my mouth. Justin KNOWS how I feel about him being in goal. He openly DEFIED me by ASKING to go into goal. I wish I could defer to him on decisions like this about sports but it’s so hard not to push him to seek glory.
